Obsessions.

Figuring it out.
Changing one obsession with another.
Changing obsession with him for another.
I can perfectly see how I'm slipping into it.
I see it. Clearly.
Nevertheless, I'm slipping into it.
Starting to drown.
You know, when you need to stop it, but you still doing it.
All the fantasies, all the thoughts.
You say, stop it. Stop it right now, it does you no good.
You stop. For a minute. For couple of hours.
But then, he says he's trying to emotionaly blackmail you. Like, in a joke.
And then you say, fuck it.
You want emotional blackmail? I'll give you one. It will eat you up alive.
Subtle. Over time.
Don't play with me boy. You did me too much harm already.
I let you do this to me. 
But, here's the line. 
You shouldn't have tried it. 
Really, you shouldn't have.
I planted a seed. It will take some time to grow it. 
And when you realise it ... I will be gone.
I will no longer be even slightly involved in your life.
Not even to see it how it hits you.
You just weren't there for me. Not when I needed you the most.
Playing with my emotions. Manipulating. 
So not right.
It's not getting even. Or mad. 
It's just letting something happen.
Obsession.
You will feel what I mean.