It's a new start for me.
Yes, I had a couple of new starts already.
And yes, all of the were brand new, this-is-it starts, finally-this-is-it starts, ....
So, why is now different?
Because I stopped pretending and I stopped running from myself.
That's promising, right?
Right.
I wanted a nice, clean, easy start. You know, you wake up one morning, open your eyes, birds sing a glorious new song, there's a beam of sunshine directly on you, and everything feels just right.
Well, it ain't so.
New starts are messy. Troublesome. Not easy. Chaotic.
And they hurt. At least mine does.
It hurts like, well, hell. It is hell from time to time.
It's hard. It is fucking hard.
It feels like I can't breathe anymore. Or think. My energy is leaving in waves and I can't move or do anything.
But then ... I look back. And I look now, where am I.
It is different. It is better.
I promise, I will be moving forward.
I promise, I will be dealing with all this pain.
I promise, I will thoroughly clean my mind, soul and body.
I promise I won't back down.
I promise I will make it.
Thank you.
