This time is different.
Scratch that.
Always is different.
Now is ... different.
Yes, I daydream. And I'm making some sort of scenarios in my head.
But I'm really trying not to.
Not to think too much of him.
Not to expect something.
Although ...
Although we finished each other sentences.
Although we knew exactly how the other feels.
What he means, how does it feel like, what the meaning is.
We both have scars and luggage.
And are fully aware of it.
For now, there is no us.
It's me and him.
And tea.
And talk.
And I'm trying not to sleep through the day waiting for his text if we will meet today.
I'm so trying to go on with my life that I'm left paralyzed.
Frankly, there is nothing much going on in my life.
A lot of waiting, hoping, wishing, procrastinating, blaming, feeling bad and sorry.
The same old depression wagon.
Not that I'm depressed. At least not so much as I used to be.
Nevermind.
I am fully aware he will not save me. This is up to me.
I am fully aware that he is not an answer to my prayers.
He is a man, with his charms and faults. He is who he is.
And, the thing that scares me ... so far I really like him the way he is.
And, the thing that scares me even more ... I like that I am me around him.
I put my glasses away and look him straight into the eyes.
No more masks.
And now ... waiting.
