Me.

I will have me when first thing on my mind when I wake up will be me.
Simple as that.
Simple, but not easy.
First thing when I try to wake up is ... just 10 more minutes ... just 10 more minutes so I can dream a little dream of him. 
Aaand so it starts. My day starts with a dream of him. 
No wonder I can't get rid of him.
I ain't even trying enough I guess.
So today, after writing some stuff, I realised this is way beyond gone too far.
Nevermind all the emotions, feelings, the words said and unsaid, the looks and the connection.
Because there are also lies, manipulation, a bit of pretending and a lot of teasing.
And a seriuos lack of trust. 
Yes, surely, I trust him that he has my back, he will take care of me and help me.
But, on a higher, deeper level, I just don't trust him.
And that's not quite a good thing, right.
So, knowing this, and admiting this to myself, I decided I will think of me more. 
For a change.
And for a start.
So whenever my delusional mind wanders towards him, I shall gently stop it and say, hey gorgeus, it's me that you're looking for. And I shall say it with the most gentle and loving voice. 
So, yes, it's all about me now.