Breathe.

Breathe In.
Breathe Out.
Everything is OK.
It's been a rough week. Or two. For sure the last mont was extremely rough. To be precise, this whole year was a constante battle of keeping my head up and not sinking down into black hole of emotions, despair and depression.

I could wright endless pages of suffering, crying, utter pain and hurt I felt. I could easily give Adele run for her money. And Taylor Swift. And any country singer. Seriously.

But. No.
It was rough. I'm still not quite OK, but I'm out of there. And have no intention of going back.
Yes, it's still not quite easy. I still have to remind myself to breathe, to let it all out. 
But, I'm OK.

Now, where should I go now? Where is my place? Since all I knew until now was pain. 
I'm still not so sure about love and light. And forgiveness. 
But, OK, let's try it. It has potential to be better from everything I have tried and done so far. 
I guess I really never have tried Love before. I had glimpses of it, but never felt it. At least not for myself.

I was told to bond with my inner child. That's so NewAge-ish and lame-ish. Everybody is saying that, chanting, making excuse with it to ruin other people's lives or to run from responsibility for their own lives. It's not that I'm reviving my pre-school stage, with crayons and stuff (although I have found utter peace drawing with my oil pastels and watching soap bubbles floating around my flat recently.). 

It's just finding your inner laughter. Remembering, what you were as a kid, what were your dreams and where have they gone. For me, it is also taking care of that kid. Healing it. Forgiving for neglecting it and treating it poorly. 

It's about making peace with myself. And with others. 
It's about peace and love.